I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
