I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
