This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
