I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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