There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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