I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
