im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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