please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
