Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
