I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
