I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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