I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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