this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
