another moral hangover. fuck.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
