I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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