I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
