Swine flu. Run for my life!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
