it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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