Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
whose parrot is this?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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