Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
