She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
