haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
