I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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