I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
