Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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