a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
