you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
