omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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