If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Randomize
