I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
