we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
