Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
