I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
