just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
