I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
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