I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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