I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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