She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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