I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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