my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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