you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
