just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
sex in a hospital.. check
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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