Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's blow job season.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
