He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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