you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
