party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
