how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
