so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
