You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There's always time for handjobs
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Someone came in the potted fern
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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