if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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