Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
