if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
