I think my fart just growled at me.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
